I was moved (to tears really) to write something down today. The catalyst for these thoughts was a dinner date with my youngest sibling, my brother. When we last saw each other we simply went out to Timmy’s and grabbed a cup of coffee. I noted he wasn’t quite his usual self and there was good reason for it. You see my brother has paranoid schizophrenia with obsessive compulsive components all rolled into the mix. For the most part he is okay, he is in a good place with people that for the most part take real care of his needs. However, with this disease of the mind there are setbacks, kind of like with other diseases like cancer or MS or whatever. There are medications of course but they can be a blessing or a curse depending on the day of the week or time of day or perhaps they just don’t work anymore. Well this is where my brother is at these days. He has had a setback and now the doctors try something else. The problem is the something else is stronger and has probably worse side effects than the others. Of course you can’t not put him on something, that could be dangerous in this case. It’s very sad really. The staff where he lives told me ahead of time that my brother is having difficulty with swallowing, he drools and he has a drinking problem. Not of the alcohol kind because he doesn’t drink; just the liquid of any sort kind. Reminds me of those scenes in the movie Airplane where the hero has a drinking problem; those scenes seemed funny but in reality this isn’t. We went to a restaurant where I knew there would not be a lot of people around so my brother wouldn’t be self-conscious; I am ashamed to say I was probably more self-conscious than he was. I am sure he must feel horrified at what is happening to him. He says he feels better; still it must bother him. He said he had to leave work early today because he was drooling to much. He couldn’t work for two weeks before this because his meds were being altered and it wasn’t safe (he hears voices telling him to hurt his housemate or other people around). Funny thing is when he gets angry or out of control it usually is not other people he harms but his own belongings. I mean, that is a good thing right? He doesn’t hurt anyone but himself right? It just made me very sad to watch him in this state (in fact I am tearing as I write this now). What kind of a life is that? When I think of how mental illness affects so many in my family and how fortunate that I didn’t receive the ticket for that ride, I am grateful.  You should be grateful too. Perhaps my brother is grateful too, that the new meds have stopped the voices.  Oh well. Be grateful, every day for whatever blessings you may have received, even if it’s just being grateful for another day to be able to feel grateful.